in mind.

good days have bad moments and bad days have good moments.  we cannot control what moments imprint on our memory chip… or can we? 

taking the time to reflect, remember and objectify an experience or period of time in your life is necessary- whether the process lasts a few minutes or a few months- heck, maybe even a few years (I know I have a few of these).  doing this allows us to learn from our mistakes- remember ‘what worked’, and grow to not repeat – unless of course, we intend to.

my mind, as i’ve learned over the years, likes to “sit” on something- especially when there is a goodbye/”see you later” shift taking place. one can “sit” on a memory- good or bad, for years and reevaluate it over and over again- at some subconscious predetermined point in that process our computer (brain) finally decides in conjunction with our emotions to “let go” of that memory.  the “letting go” often means that the time between revisiting the memory increases, this time period varies (days, weeks, months, years) based on a particular memory. BUT the “goodness” or “badness” of that memory is not necessarily inversely related to the amount of time between revisiting it…..sometimes i wish it was.

“in mind”, is a solo work.  i knew as this work developed that as much as i enjoy setting work on dancers, i needed to get on the horse- and there would be a therapeutic benefit to allowing myself to ride it . “in mind” is about the time period of “letting go”/saying “farewell” to a situation/experience/memory that you know is in your best interest to part ways with.  this “letting go” is bittersweet, but you know it is time.  the dancer emerges from darkness walking backwards, as the body unfolds we hear their story- once all is said, the dancer walks away from you, into the darkness- and onward to the next place in life. 

developing and performing this work helped in “letting go”, and beyond my conscious control- the time period between revisiting this memory has increased.

"The portal of healing and creativity always takes us into the realm of the spirit."

Angeles Arrien

-tara

cerebral eavesdropping.

favorite quote.... the only constant is change.

however, whether good or bad-change comes with a certain level of anxiety surrounding the “unknown”. life happens in waves, and about a year ago i hit a huge “change wave” and it nearly drowned me (good thing I know how to boogie board). i needed an outlet  to “deal” with this change- to accept and come to terms with it- so i did what i have found to be the best coping method, i started a new work.

our brains are extraordinarily complex.  as ‘cerebral eavesdropping’ evolved i was searching for how to express my consciously subconscious internal dialogue. executive function is carried out by our prefrontal cortex (the area in our brain anterior to the motor and sensory areas).  executive function is a higher level of thought, the ability to differentiate between good verses bad and between conflicting thoughts and ideas, and allows us to in a sense “control” urges and produce behavior that is socially acceptable. ‘cerebral eavesdropping’ invites the viewer to see the insecurities, anxiety, serenity and peacefulness of our complex mind. the opening solo dancer is the intense abandoned stream of thought processes, the second solo dancer is the composed reassuring “you will be okay” thought processes and the 3^rd section is a duet of agreeable acceptance of each other (a marriage of the mind). the work highlights the complexity of our brains and the constant psychological management of the shift of change.

i grew up mentored by lee lund, who above any technique or stage presence, showed me the way to the place that dance changes your soul. when i was at the Boston Conservatory i did my senior thesis on the healing power of dance. i continue on this path because it continuously supports me, heals me, develops me and provides a creative outlet for me that nothing else can.  

‘cerebral eavesdropping’ premiered last year at SPUNKandCO’s ‘Eleven”, danced by jillian grunnah and audrey laVallee (who brought more than i ever imagined to this work).

dance changes your being, it literally changes the neurological connections in your brain and it continues to guide, inspire and empower to become all that you are meant to be.

A friend's son was in the first grade of school, and his teacher asked the class, "What is the color of apples?" Most of the children answered red. A few said green. Kevin, my friend's son, raised his hand and said white. The teacher tried to explain that apples could be red, green, or sometimes golden, but never white. Kevin was quite insistent and finally said, "Look inside."

-From "Insight Meditation", by Joe Goldstein

-tara

unglued.

i remember  spending nights with my stack of blank paper, cup of tea and box of colored pencils- drawing each level of the brain stem (those of you who have done this know who you are) over and over and over again. oddly enough,  i loved it. (what I did not love was the “all-nighter hangover” that usually kicked in around 12pm the following day- oh the sacrifices we make to reach our goals.)

our neurologic system, simply put, is complicated. information descends from our cortex through our brain stem to our spinal cord and then out to our extremities, information also is ascending in the opposite direction.  when our neurologic system has some kind of insult to it things, simply put, go haywire.

“life has a way of turning on a dime and in a matter of a few hours or a few days or even a few minutes everything can seemingly come unglued.” –eric lowen

amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), in America widely known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, is a relentless, degenerative and terminal disease causing degeneration of the upper (communicating with our cortex) and lower (communicating with our spinal cord and brain stem) motor neurons. it’s the most common form of motor neuron disease, with an incidence of 3-5 per 100,000, a mean age of 57, men: women/ 1.5:1, 95% sporadic and 5% familial. characteristics are rapid progressive weakness and muscle atrophy, cause is unknown, mean survival time is 4-5 yrs. (1)

led by miriam, a dear friend of the late eric lowen (guitarist, songwriter, singer from LA), we are journeying together into creating and developing dance aimed to raise awareness and educate ourselves and all who will listen, about ALS. the more we become informed, aware and learn we will together get closer to finding a way to treat this devastating disease. as movement artists the thought of a disease limiting the ability to move is hard to grasp, as a musician eric lowen slowly lost his ability to play his guitar, sing, perform and tour. he passed on march 23, 2012, after complications from ALS.

listening to eric’s songs you can hear his soul, he talked a lot about ALS and his dealing with a terminal disease, he wrote songs directly and indirectly about it. his music, his art, allowed him safe space to do this.

“we are journeyman, working hard for a relatively small return, but it has been the most satisfying and rewarding experience I could ever hope for.” –eric lowen

sometimes it takes an unforeseen set of circumstances to help you gain perspective on what is important, eric lowen has done just this for me.  as i hung up the phone with miriam after discussing plans for work surrounding ALS, i searched to learn more about eric- what i found was remarkable, empowering, inspirational and absolutely beautiful. rid the excess, stay true to yourself, pursue your dreams- life is too short to do it any other way.

we will premiere the first of a series of dances centering on ALS and inspired by eric lowen, at our june 15-17^th show, “1 x 7”, in cambridge, ma.

“it will end for me, but the songs will go on, and the memories are mine forever.” –eric lowen

-tara




(1: Umphred, Neurological Rehabilitation- 5th edition, 2007; 475-497.)

organized chaos.

i often joke about the fact that without my iphone i would have no idea where I am supposed to be on any given day. saying this usually makes people laugh or at least chuckle and at the very least crack a smile. but it’s entirely true. i like to live life on the edge by putting all my eggs in one basket- i store all of my work, meetings, engagements, dinners, rehearsals, bill payment deadlines, birthdays, doctor appointments (human and canine), reminders to- drop this off, or pick that up, in my phone (my brother lives life on the edge by sky diving, off trail skiing down crazy dangerous mountains, playing with baby tigers- ya know, kind of similar). oh the life of an artist- i technically work 5 different jobs, so on any given day I can be in many different places, hence why my car is my best friend, and why every night entails the anticipation of unlocking my screen to get to may calendar- unless it’s out of battery of course.

the chaos of my life in some weird way keeps me feeling balanced and whole, sometimes even at peace, other times the chaos scale tips a little too much and i have to remind myself to calm down, relax and prioritize- (namaste)- which is why I surround myself with an amazing support system of friends and family who are my rock.  what a wise man told me last week (thanks dad) and what I’m learning as i age (and i will be 30 this year-crazy!) is that this chaos of life does not go away but it actually continues and it’s best to embrace the flow of your own life and enjoy the ride. i just learned a saying last week when working at the boston conservatory: “yolo”, which means: You Only Live Once. leave it to the next generation to give me some perspective.

i have been working on 'organized chaos' since late last year, it’s a quartet dedicated to the successful, hardworking woman today, the moments along the way, the relationships we encounter- some we hold on to, and the reminder to slow down to assess, prioritize and check in with YOU.  My longtime friend and now boss (susan) always talks about the “hardest job” in America: the working mother.  who not only is intelligent, motivated, successful, but is also getting the dinner on the table for the family and most importantly being present as “mom, wife, boss, co-worker, friend”. the strength of women continuously amazes me.

in 'organized chaos' we see four dancers with striking movement and lines, energetically a constant momentum and push and music that melts me every time.

we will premiere 'organized chaos' at the june 15-17^th show "1 x 7", in Cambridge, ma, with live cello accompaniment by kate kayaian.

"More than anything else, that's what good art does: not answer questions or set agendas, but create space - space to laugh, to mourn, and to wonder who and how and why we are."

-From "In Wheat & Weeds and the Wolf of Gubbio", by Graziano Marcheschi

-tara